When you fall in love with a buddha, and forget about your friends

I have been lucky lately to learn a very important truth in creating successful love.
In the past six months or so, I have alas had many valued friends disappear into the overwhelming happiness of their romantic relationships. Although this has of course been rather frustrating on my end, because they are wonderful people whose company I valued, I can by no means blame anyone who succumbs to such a pitfall.

When I think about what I am searching for in love, I can best describe it as looking to find my partner in kosen-rufu, someone who I will not only work to create world peace with, but someone who I can build a loving relationship with which is so strong that it inspires everyone who sees it with hope and warm fuzzies.

Though it is not my tradition, I pick up a copy of the Shambhala Sun every so often. This fall, an issue featured writings on relationship as path. One interview was with the leader of the Shambhala tradition, and his wife who recently got married in Boulder. When asked about what they thought was the major cause of the high divorce rate in our country, they both agreed it was the pressure we put on the couple relationship, and cited that in addition to their daily spiritual practice, the best thing they do for their relationship with each other is to invest in their relationships with their family, friends, and community.

I know that during a breakup, "friendship", as Jane Austen says, "is the finest balm". If our friends can nourish our souls in times of pain, than it is reasonable to assume that they can also fortify our hearts to be even more loving with our partners. Shouldn't love serve to connect us deeply to the world, rather than giving us an excuse to isolate? And don't forget that a relationship seems even better when you are reminded of how special it is by showing off your couple-hood, or by taking a breath with someone else to not only remember who YOU are but also to appreciate how great it feels to be with your partner and not to take that for granted. I believe that relationships have the potential to bring us such happiness. That god is best found in the smallest space between two people. But its too much pressure to find that only in one person.

So to those of you who have disappeared into the vortex of relationship land, I say on behalf of all good friends, call us back. You are missed.

and for those of you who have found love, and have not forgotten: Thank You.

May you be happy, peaceful, and loved (by lots of people!)

Janey