True Love by Tich Naht Han

If you know me at all, you can probably guess why True Love by Thich Naht Hanh has become one of my all time favorite happiness-creating books.

Like most girls raised on Disney, I thought I had a corner on knowing about true love. How could I not? The search to create such a relationship in my life has been an unwavering constant since before I can remember. Its been an interesting year, and I realized that although 'true love' is something I've always known I want, I didn't actually understand what it is. With new understanding, created in part by this book, I no longer crave the chemical buzz of love, the novelty of it though nice, pales in comparison to what we really can create in relationship.

In his book, Thich Nhat Hanh tells us that true love has four components.
1. Maitri, or Loving-kindness: the desire and ability to bring joy to a partner.
2. Karuna, or Compassion: The desire and ability to ease the pain of a partner.
3. Mudita, or Joy: If you are not joyful in your love, than it isn't love
4. Upeksha, or freedom: you and a partner have enough space in your heart and all around you to allow for the first three.

Thich Nhat Hanh then gives his readers four mantras to use in relationship to help ourselves and our partner be successful in love.
1. "Dear one, I am here for you"- because true love is being present
2."Dear one, I know that you are there and it makes me very happy"- we should be joyful about it!
3. "Dear one, I know you are suffering and that is why I am here for you"
4. "Dear one, I am suffering please help"

This last one is perhaps the most challenging because often it is because of our pride in relation to a challenge with a partner that causes everything to crumble. When we are so closely tied to another, we create a vulnerability necessary to create love, which also makes us more vulnerable to suffering because of our assumptions and expectations. I have personally experienced in my life recently, that overcoming pride and turning to the person you love who is at the heart of your suffering, and asking for compassion, might be just the medicine you need to heal.

True Love serves as a practical guide book, and inspires readers with the truth that love is not a feeling, it's an ability, and a choice. One that I will always continue to make.

love,
janey

Saturday Afternoon Toso

I have a fantastic Sangha.

Really and truly wonderful in every way possible.
Today, I was fortunate to host a three hour toso (a 1+ hour chanting session) at my house. For those of you who don't chant, three hours is a good long while. Sure, I hear of some people who have made determinations to sit for 8 or more hours, but generally, my own practice consists of about 15-30 minutes, hopefully twice a day.

My life has actually been really, really lovely lately, but I have felt the need for something new. I want to grow, but after this fall, I would really like to grow from experiences of positivity and love, rather than a pain and a beat up ego. Not that I'm not thankful, but I'm just not really up for being so miserable again. Not for a long, long, long time at least (and am completely ok with never!)

So, when we planned our March meetings last week, I volunteered to host today's meeting, knowing that if I had people sitting behind me I would follow through with some extra strong Daimoku. About eleven people showed up at my house this morning, and before I knew it the three hours was over. When I stood up from my zafu, my voice was a little froggy and I was the tiniest bit light headed from the rose incense, but I felt strong, supported (by myself and community) and confidently determined to manifest the few pieces that are still missing from my life, while also trusting that they will pop up soon enough. Every time another person opened the door to join us, my feeling of being supported grew.
I had the thought at one point (when I was getting tired) of feeling a little guilty that all my friends were fighting the same restlessness all because I needed some help, but then I remembered that they had all come because they wanted to, not because they felt obligated. They too had dreams they wanted to fulfill, stuff to chant for. I was supported by each person's aspirations, and in turn by chanting for my own life (Today: true love as always, and also to get the job at whole foods) I was supporting them. Sometimes our interconnection is palatable, and today was one of those times.

love,
janey




(above: a recent Boulder Bodhisattva district meeting)