If you know me at all, you can probably guess why True Love by Thich Naht Hanh has become one of my all time favorite happiness-creating books.
Like most girls raised on Disney, I thought I had a corner on knowing about true love. How could I not? The search to create such a relationship in my life has been an unwavering constant since before I can remember. Its been an interesting year, and I realized that although 'true love' is something I've always known I want, I didn't actually understand what it is. With new understanding, created in part by this book, I no longer crave the chemical buzz of love, the novelty of it though nice, pales in comparison to what we really can create in relationship.
In his book, Thich Nhat Hanh tells us that true love has four components.
1. Maitri, or Loving-kindness: the desire and ability to bring joy to a partner.
2. Karuna, or Compassion: The desire and ability to ease the pain of a partner.
3. Mudita, or Joy: If you are not joyful in your love, than it isn't love
4. Upeksha, or freedom: you and a partner have enough space in your heart and all around you to allow for the first three.
Thich Nhat Hanh then gives his readers four mantras to use in relationship to help ourselves and our partner be successful in love.
1. "Dear one, I am here for you"- because true love is being present
2."Dear one, I know that you are there and it makes me very happy"- we should be joyful about it!
3. "Dear one, I know you are suffering and that is why I am here for you"
4. "Dear one, I am suffering please help"
This last one is perhaps the most challenging because often it is because of our pride in relation to a challenge with a partner that causes everything to crumble. When we are so closely tied to another, we create a vulnerability necessary to create love, which also makes us more vulnerable to suffering because of our assumptions and expectations. I have personally experienced in my life recently, that overcoming pride and turning to the person you love who is at the heart of your suffering, and asking for compassion, might be just the medicine you need to heal.
True Love serves as a practical guide book, and inspires readers with the truth that love is not a feeling, it's an ability, and a choice. One that I will always continue to make.
love,
janey
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