Saturday Afternoon Toso

I have a fantastic Sangha.

Really and truly wonderful in every way possible.
Today, I was fortunate to host a three hour toso (a 1+ hour chanting session) at my house. For those of you who don't chant, three hours is a good long while. Sure, I hear of some people who have made determinations to sit for 8 or more hours, but generally, my own practice consists of about 15-30 minutes, hopefully twice a day.

My life has actually been really, really lovely lately, but I have felt the need for something new. I want to grow, but after this fall, I would really like to grow from experiences of positivity and love, rather than a pain and a beat up ego. Not that I'm not thankful, but I'm just not really up for being so miserable again. Not for a long, long, long time at least (and am completely ok with never!)

So, when we planned our March meetings last week, I volunteered to host today's meeting, knowing that if I had people sitting behind me I would follow through with some extra strong Daimoku. About eleven people showed up at my house this morning, and before I knew it the three hours was over. When I stood up from my zafu, my voice was a little froggy and I was the tiniest bit light headed from the rose incense, but I felt strong, supported (by myself and community) and confidently determined to manifest the few pieces that are still missing from my life, while also trusting that they will pop up soon enough. Every time another person opened the door to join us, my feeling of being supported grew.
I had the thought at one point (when I was getting tired) of feeling a little guilty that all my friends were fighting the same restlessness all because I needed some help, but then I remembered that they had all come because they wanted to, not because they felt obligated. They too had dreams they wanted to fulfill, stuff to chant for. I was supported by each person's aspirations, and in turn by chanting for my own life (Today: true love as always, and also to get the job at whole foods) I was supporting them. Sometimes our interconnection is palatable, and today was one of those times.

love,
janey




(above: a recent Boulder Bodhisattva district meeting)