When you fall in love with a buddha, and forget about your friends

I have been lucky lately to learn a very important truth in creating successful love.
In the past six months or so, I have alas had many valued friends disappear into the overwhelming happiness of their romantic relationships. Although this has of course been rather frustrating on my end, because they are wonderful people whose company I valued, I can by no means blame anyone who succumbs to such a pitfall.

When I think about what I am searching for in love, I can best describe it as looking to find my partner in kosen-rufu, someone who I will not only work to create world peace with, but someone who I can build a loving relationship with which is so strong that it inspires everyone who sees it with hope and warm fuzzies.

Though it is not my tradition, I pick up a copy of the Shambhala Sun every so often. This fall, an issue featured writings on relationship as path. One interview was with the leader of the Shambhala tradition, and his wife who recently got married in Boulder. When asked about what they thought was the major cause of the high divorce rate in our country, they both agreed it was the pressure we put on the couple relationship, and cited that in addition to their daily spiritual practice, the best thing they do for their relationship with each other is to invest in their relationships with their family, friends, and community.

I know that during a breakup, "friendship", as Jane Austen says, "is the finest balm". If our friends can nourish our souls in times of pain, than it is reasonable to assume that they can also fortify our hearts to be even more loving with our partners. Shouldn't love serve to connect us deeply to the world, rather than giving us an excuse to isolate? And don't forget that a relationship seems even better when you are reminded of how special it is by showing off your couple-hood, or by taking a breath with someone else to not only remember who YOU are but also to appreciate how great it feels to be with your partner and not to take that for granted. I believe that relationships have the potential to bring us such happiness. That god is best found in the smallest space between two people. But its too much pressure to find that only in one person.

So to those of you who have disappeared into the vortex of relationship land, I say on behalf of all good friends, call us back. You are missed.

and for those of you who have found love, and have not forgotten: Thank You.

May you be happy, peaceful, and loved (by lots of people!)

Janey

an echo

As might be apparent by the naming of this blog, I have always had a deep connection to versions of myself. I think as kids, we always dream of who we will become, but this relationship with future and past Janey's is an important one for me, and I've wished on many occasions I could have an experience like that Bruce Willis movie, go give my former selves a big old hug, and tell them what they needed to hear, remind my future selves of what they have forgotten. Today, I had what will likely be the closest I get to that happening.

Five years ago, my 17 year old self wrote a letter to her 22 year old self as an assignment for a high school psychology class. My teacher kept them until now, and mailed them the other day. When I opened it up this evening, not recognizing the writing on the envelope as my own, I was a little overwhelmed by a sense of love for myself and everything and everyone who has been apart of my path up to this point.
This letter came as some wonderful proof that every day I am making the choice to be the person I have always wanted to be, and such choices on a small scale have amounted to a lot. It feels very good to know you are on the right path.

Here is one of the best hopes of my 17 year old self:
"remember: be known for your smiles, love, and love with courage, even when its not being given, don't regret not having loved. "

If I am thankful for anything, it is that this is not a lesson I have forgotten.

May you love with a lion's heart,
janey

Janey and the Magical Ukulele

I've had a rather prolific week creatively, which has got me thinking a lot about what the benefits of chanting really are.

Often, when first introduced to the practice of Nichiren Buddhism, we often explain to guests the rather spooky benefits that come from chanting. That your desires, even physical or materialistic ones, can be fulfilled.

When I first heard this as someone who had practiced before as a Buddhist in the Shambhala tradition, I thought it was pretty silly. Buddhism doesn't condone desires, right? Isn't that what all those teachings about detachment are about? Isn't it pretty darn superficial and selfish for me to spend time doing something for my own wishes when I could be spending my time saving the world?

When I started chanting, it was honestly more about solidifying a legitimate identity as a Buddhist and finding a community than getting anything else out of it. After almost a year and a half of chanting, I've had my fair share of spooky benefits, however this week I feel like I really understand what the heart of these benefits are.

This fall, during a time when I was overwhelmed by my own fundamental darkness, I caved and got in my car one afternoon to finally go to my doctor and get a prescription for anti-depressants. This was a pretty huge concession for me, and it took me a lot of self talk to admit that I needed some help. On my way to the doctors office, I passed Robb's Music, and long story short, I ended up with a ukulele instead.

This month, I found myself going through another round of clearing for this old love of mine and softly, found myself more opened up to what I can only describe as a creative flow of the universe than I ever believed possible. It may not seem like a big deal, but over the course of three days, I wrote 4 songs (which I like and think are pretty good?!!), which is something I never dreamed I could do. It wasn't hard. I didn't struggle or strain myself, I just sat down with my ukulele and thought "oh, maybe I'll write something about this...". And I did!

Though I love myself, I also know that I am not unique or exceptional. Perhaps the only thing that is different about my life, is that I am lucky enough to have found the practice of this Buddhism. In chanting 'Nam Myoho Renge Kyo', I am merely matching the vibration of my life to that of the universe, and creating harmony (I know that sounds cliche but it's the best word for it). For me, these songs feel like proof that my practice is working.

They say that a bodhisattva who can express themselves through art has the life force of a thousand bodhisattvas. I hope that means that my new found expression will only enable me to serve a thousand more people in this life.

may you be happy, may you peaceful, and may you be loved,
janey

True Love by Tich Naht Han

If you know me at all, you can probably guess why True Love by Thich Naht Hanh has become one of my all time favorite happiness-creating books.

Like most girls raised on Disney, I thought I had a corner on knowing about true love. How could I not? The search to create such a relationship in my life has been an unwavering constant since before I can remember. Its been an interesting year, and I realized that although 'true love' is something I've always known I want, I didn't actually understand what it is. With new understanding, created in part by this book, I no longer crave the chemical buzz of love, the novelty of it though nice, pales in comparison to what we really can create in relationship.

In his book, Thich Nhat Hanh tells us that true love has four components.
1. Maitri, or Loving-kindness: the desire and ability to bring joy to a partner.
2. Karuna, or Compassion: The desire and ability to ease the pain of a partner.
3. Mudita, or Joy: If you are not joyful in your love, than it isn't love
4. Upeksha, or freedom: you and a partner have enough space in your heart and all around you to allow for the first three.

Thich Nhat Hanh then gives his readers four mantras to use in relationship to help ourselves and our partner be successful in love.
1. "Dear one, I am here for you"- because true love is being present
2."Dear one, I know that you are there and it makes me very happy"- we should be joyful about it!
3. "Dear one, I know you are suffering and that is why I am here for you"
4. "Dear one, I am suffering please help"

This last one is perhaps the most challenging because often it is because of our pride in relation to a challenge with a partner that causes everything to crumble. When we are so closely tied to another, we create a vulnerability necessary to create love, which also makes us more vulnerable to suffering because of our assumptions and expectations. I have personally experienced in my life recently, that overcoming pride and turning to the person you love who is at the heart of your suffering, and asking for compassion, might be just the medicine you need to heal.

True Love serves as a practical guide book, and inspires readers with the truth that love is not a feeling, it's an ability, and a choice. One that I will always continue to make.

love,
janey

Saturday Afternoon Toso

I have a fantastic Sangha.

Really and truly wonderful in every way possible.
Today, I was fortunate to host a three hour toso (a 1+ hour chanting session) at my house. For those of you who don't chant, three hours is a good long while. Sure, I hear of some people who have made determinations to sit for 8 or more hours, but generally, my own practice consists of about 15-30 minutes, hopefully twice a day.

My life has actually been really, really lovely lately, but I have felt the need for something new. I want to grow, but after this fall, I would really like to grow from experiences of positivity and love, rather than a pain and a beat up ego. Not that I'm not thankful, but I'm just not really up for being so miserable again. Not for a long, long, long time at least (and am completely ok with never!)

So, when we planned our March meetings last week, I volunteered to host today's meeting, knowing that if I had people sitting behind me I would follow through with some extra strong Daimoku. About eleven people showed up at my house this morning, and before I knew it the three hours was over. When I stood up from my zafu, my voice was a little froggy and I was the tiniest bit light headed from the rose incense, but I felt strong, supported (by myself and community) and confidently determined to manifest the few pieces that are still missing from my life, while also trusting that they will pop up soon enough. Every time another person opened the door to join us, my feeling of being supported grew.
I had the thought at one point (when I was getting tired) of feeling a little guilty that all my friends were fighting the same restlessness all because I needed some help, but then I remembered that they had all come because they wanted to, not because they felt obligated. They too had dreams they wanted to fulfill, stuff to chant for. I was supported by each person's aspirations, and in turn by chanting for my own life (Today: true love as always, and also to get the job at whole foods) I was supporting them. Sometimes our interconnection is palatable, and today was one of those times.

love,
janey




(above: a recent Boulder Bodhisattva district meeting)

In search of 'solito lindo', or why sometimes you should probably just eat something

I've had a curious twenty-four hours.

In my search for trancendance, I've dabbled a little bit in kundalini yoga (by dabbled I mean I read Eat, Pray, Love bought another book on it and have a schedule taped to my fridge for the local yoga studio that offers kundalini chanting, so I am by no means any sort of real source). One of the most interesting things I've gotten in my minor exploration is the knowledge that we all have multiple bodies. Of course our physical body exists in reality, but so does our emotional body (pranic), our spirit body (radiant), and a bunch of other bodies that are too complicated for me to explain. You can believe it or not, but buying into this idea has helped me get a lot of things straight lately.

Within the last day, I had a subtle experience which helped me turn this truth into a personal reality. In the past month, I've been really happy! Yes, I'm still growing and healing, but I've found a calm in my mind, a general freedom from unnecessary worries and desires, and strength again in my big bodhisattva heart (yey!).
Yesterday, however, I woke up feeling physically tired and rather dehydrated. Then, I spent the afternoon working on a presentation on a play, Machinal by Sophie Treadwell. I've done this play before, but had forgotten the intensity it contains. Machinal follows the life of a young woman who gets trapped in a shallow marriage with a man she finds disgusting, and is crippled by the pressure of modern life. She has a short affair with the first young man she has found appealing, and gets a taste of love, and unable to return to her harsh reality after finally experiencing happiness and intimacy with another person, she murders her husband and is then electrocuted by the state. I've seen the play at least a dozen times, but the scene with her young man always gets me. He sings her 'solito lindo' or little heaven, a nickname lovers give each other in Spain, which is corny, but very touching corn.
It was after I read this, that I could feel myself on the edge of tanking. Then, I made the mistake of forgetting to eat before my midterms, and reached 4:00 feeling so weak emotionally and physically that it was all I could do to get myself home. During this vulnerability, my brain started to get the best of me, deciding that then was the perfect time to start opening up old wounds and fill me with repetitive thoughts of doubt and insecurity.

I realized the extent to which these bodies we all have are connected. When one is hurt, the others can follow so easily, which makes self care that much more important.
So, I ate some gumbo, took my dog Benjamin for a walk, a mini nap, and popped in my emergency movie (You've got mail) and now feel like the delightful buddha woman I really am (and that you are too! or buddha-man if you wish).

Don't forget the importance of taking gentle care of all of your bodies, only you can ensure your own happiness, and you deserve it in truck loads!

love,
janey

the cheerful one with cherry blossoms in her hair

I had a few wonderful Buddhist experiences this week that I wanted to share.

I've spoken a little about my practice, but sometimes a little vaguely. I genuinely respect other traditions. People are so diverse, and it follows then that expressions of faith are as well. I also love my practice! So, so, so, very much!
I practice Nichiren Buddhism with The Soka Gakkai International. The tradition is centered around chanting 'nam myoho renge kyo', which translates to 'I devote myself to the mystic law of cause and effect through sound', however my favorite explanation is that in chanting, I am calling out the name of my buddha-nature. My own innate perfection or divinity. The same nature that we all have. I have had very strong faith recently, and I cannot express how wonderful it is just to be able to trust not only yourself, but the universe to bring the right scenario as it is meant to appear.

On Saturday, I went down to Denver to receive a guidance from Jee, a wonderful leader who was in town. The SGI has leaders, but not in a manner where anyone is better than anyone else. Rather, people become leaders when they are strong in their practice and can support others, however we all learn from each other equally. I didn't any real problems to talk about, but wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. Jee and I had a wonderful conversation that really got me excited about this Buddhism. Having a practice makes me feel secure in my life. No matter what happens, no matter how bad things get (or how good), I will always have my gohonzon to turn to for comfort and to celebrate my life! I have been through a phase where I was in battle with my own fundamental darkness, and have come through it with my smile intact. Jee had a great metaphor for this challenge. She said that in Japan, if a winter is very mild, the cherry trees will bloom very little, if at all in the spring. Something about the tree needs the frost to shock the buds into becoming the flowers they are meant to be. Harsh winters produce more beautiful flower's than mild ones. I know the japan/beauty/cherry blossom metaphor is perhaps a little over used to the point of being a cliche, but I liked this particular explanation none the less. If its true, I should be sprouting blossoms any day now!

Last night, my local SGI district (the boulder bodhisattvas!) had a particularly good new members meeting as well. I'm not someone who believes in blind faith in the least bit. Belief, especially when it's religious and moral should be able to withstand strong questioning and provide proof and logical answers. I, however, had done most of my questioning before I found this tradition, and the buddha-dharma rang true for my life. Recently, I've been very struck at the simplicity of it all. Right now, ALL I have to do is trust the practice, and chant daimoku. That's it. The rest will take care of its self, and any other action will just be a natural and easy expression of my inner state, not something that is forced. I have so many question marks in my life right now. Love? Travel? Work? Money to travel? but with the simplicity that this Buddhism brings to my life, I am pretty joyful and calm about all of them. The right relationship will pop up when it is meant to, the right country will open it's doors, the right job will show up paying what I need to adventure and create some security and freedom. I just have to be patient, and if there is one thing I am, its patient.

May you be happy, free, and cheerful.
love,
janey


(a recent Boulder Bodhisattva district meeting at a member's house)